Good Riddance 2013

It’s that time of year when the bloglands are filled with resolutions, and plans to do this and not that, and goals, and promises, and sweet little recaps of the closing year.

Normally I’d be cranking out my master list of 101 things I would like to consider tackling in the next 365 days… but this year I need a change.

A HUGE change.  We’re talking ginormous.  Godzilla times a million big.  Because last year chewed me up, and then threw me away with the bath water.  Cold bathwater, up the creek too, between a rock and a hard spot.

I’m sure there were some good parts dangled in front of me last year.  Like a visit from a dear friend.  My 60th sale on Etsy.  Getting a cell phone that actually worked.  But the bad parts trumped the good.  And then were topped with even more bad sprinkles just to keep it lively.  Like loosing my FIL, and while trying to make plans to make it up to him, flinging hot oil onto my contact lens.

Or like right before Christmas, being excited to have almost all of the shopping done.  And having my shop doing somewhat well.  And then having a cyst flare up to the size of a golf ball, then having the husband’s company CANCEL Christmas bonuses (Hey! If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I’d like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is! Hallelujah! Holy shit! Where’s the Tylenol?), while your oven is deader than a doorknob, then your door knob breaks, in the lock position, then your husband’s car needs over $500.00 worth of work, then you go to the ER where they knock you out with oddles of drugs, and company is on the way, and just announces they will be staying for Christmas.  (Where do you think you’re going? Nobody’s leaving. Nobody’s walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We’re all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We’re gonna press on, and we’re gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he’s gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.)

Last year needs to choke and die a slow and painful death.  And it best not leave any of its baggage with this year.  Or I’ll be learning how to blog with my arms tied behind me in a spiffy white coat.  How I wish I was joking.

So my plans and goals for 2014?  In general, to buckle down, to burn last year’s calendar, and to pray for the best.  After all, the best laid plans can blow up in your face, and things can always get worse (and probably will), tomorrow may not ever be.

We have to live, knowing, that today is where we are supposed to be.  Right here in the now, that’s our purpose.  And that’s my goal.

So 2013, Can I refill your eggnog for you? Get you something to eat? Drive you out to the middle of nowhere and leave you for dead?

No?

Fine.  I’ll just go back to knitting, and watching Christmas Vacation for the millionth time.  😉

 

My Sweet Valentine

I. Am. A. Hopeless. Romantic.

There, I said it.  I like Valentine’s Day.  I like heart-shaped boxes filled with chocolate.  I like roses.  I like cards.  I like sappy little small nothings of a gift with heart shaped tags.  I like romantic candlelit dinners. 

It took me years to be able to admit to the fact that I dig hallmark holidays.  I used to hide from everything girly, banished pink from my life, and spoke loudly on how roses were an awful waste of money. 

(I was lying.)

(I was playing tough in those single days of I don’t need NO ONE)

Sure, sure, of course love should be shown year round.  Simple little gifts from the heart should abound for no particular reason.  And no you don’t need Hallmark to tell you when to be romantic…  But…

I can’t resist a day to do something other than the ordinary, especially in the dead of winter. 

And don’t forget the best part of Valentine’s Day, the day after when all that glorious chocolate goes on sale!

How about you?  Do you dig the day of cupid?  Or did I just make you puke all over your keyboard?

If I Did Resolutions~

Resolutions.  I don’t normally jive with the whole resolution thing.  Not that I don’t like setting or reaching goals, more so that the new year doesn’t throw waves of inspiration at me to make a change.  Spring is the only season that really inspires me, too bad we can’t change the calendar to start in spring.

But if I were going to make resolutions they might go as such:

• Work.  Really work.  Like I already had an agent and publisher, with deadlines, meetings and such.  Take it seriously, work hard and hold myself accountable.  (This also includes treating myself to brand new pens in every color, fresh notebooks, folders, highlighters and post it notes… am I the only one who loves office supplies?!)
• De-Clutter EVERYTHING.  I’m talking nothing out in the open, everything in its place, a place for everything, inside and outside, up stairs and downstairs.  Even the crap that was left by the previous owners out behind the goat hut.   (also too, make a note that this might call for a fresh tetanus shot)
• Finish every project that has already been started.  2012 I deem you as the year in which things shall be finished.  (at least to finish everything that was started in 2011, we don’t want to go too crazy here)
• Do something for ME everyday.  Like… exercise, put on makeup, fix hair in a way other than a ponytail, remember how to wear nail polish, read a book, tend to the goat in heels, anything for ME.  Things that remind me about ME and not my million other roles.
• Make time to do something for others.  I’m talking writing a note, a letter, making a card, making a phone call… being more available for my friends.  Letting them know that even though my family is my priority that they too are the world to me.
• Can I resolve to get things done twice?  Because I really want to. 
• Maybe I can just resolve to be more focussed, more active, more of being a make things happen kind of year.  2012, Make it Happen.  Yup, that’s the theme. 

That’s all of course if I did resolutions.  Which I don’t, not until the spring. Which of course then all of my focus goes into running from tornadoes and getting as much dirt under my nails as humanly possible and the infamous hunting of snakes and moosen goosen.  Did I mention that I heard a large cat the other day, of the mountain lion variety?!  Hrrrrm, maybe I should start this stuff today, what’s the point of nail polish when you’re hunting and playing in the dirt?  And MAYBE I should cut back on the coffee… probably, maybe… not.

Hey Santa, Over Here!

Dear Santa,

I don’t trust my post office any longer, so hopefully you blog, hopefully you’ll read this.  (And don’t forget to send my mailbox robbers plenty of coal! <- it’s okay to ask that right?)

I think I have been plenty good this year.  I did not eat any of the minions, and I did not sell them to the gypsies.  I even allowed the boy to go off to school, and I didn’t cry or embarrass him!  And don’t forget the weeks of taking care of my husband without smothering him with a pillow!  Dang, I was real good.  I didn’t even cuss out John Wayne when he broadsided the car.  You might say that I was perfect.

So if we can, because both you and I have deadlines here, just get right on down to the asking for stuffs…

• Time.  I need it, I want it, I lust for it.  I just want a little bit of it.  Like one day every few weeks all to myself.  And I don’t mean everyone tapping on my back as quiet as they can.  I mean a hotel room with a coffee maker and a plug for my laptop.  One whole day.  Alone.  Heck I’d even take getting lost in my woods for a day with a huge thermos of coffee and a notebook.  My brain and I need a date.

• Direction.  Everybody has a different compass for my life lately, and they’re all pointing in different directions.  I can only seem to make it to my coffee maker right now.  I’d like my compass to be tiny and pink, with a clear true north. 

• Family.  Fix it, could ya?  Just bring her back, minus the bow.  The big red bow is overdone.  (for those who are reading and aren’t all-knowing like Santa, I’ll explain later.)

• Success.  I get that success is my own to make.  But you and your elves must have some sort of success miracle grow right?  Just a wee bit of help would rock.

• Health.  How about just a general boost for all of us?  You know where it’s needed most.

• Peace.  Just peace.  Not peace on earth and all of the nonsense.  How about just calmness to the brain, happiness in the heart, a rested soul, and drama free days. 

• The White House.  Make it mine.  ‘Nuff said.

• And don’t forget the Starbucks under the tree that’s fully staffed and doesn’t cost me a dime.

Okay and if that’s a lot to ask the man who can do it all, I guess I could handle a new bundle of books, some more Dead Man’s Reach coffee, a new coffee mug, some pens, some notebooks and some awesome notecards.

Thanks and Love,

Emily

ps.  Could you express ship some new blog ideas to me asap?!

 

Leave a Message at the Beep

Today I am working. 

I mean really working.  Like editing and re-writing and such. 

I shall not play on the interwebs.  (Much)

No blogging, no tweeting (much), no FB, no nada (after I annoy the world with links).

Feel free to rampage the comments, making this post somewhat interesting…

But for now I’m off to work…

beeeeEeeeeeeeeepppppppppppp.

~War~

This week signals the beginning of a war in my home.

Soon you’ll see it, the helmets strapped on, the bullet proof vests tightened securely, the boots laced and the weapons drawn.  Through the holiday music you can hear the battle cries of war, the alarms blaring, screaming out their warnings to all who venture near.  The children, the children will be hiding in fear.

What can be so brutal?  What could cause so much damage?

The Christmas Tree.

Stop Laughing. 

My taste in Christmas decorations revolve around simplicity, the outdoors, pure whites, greens and reds, you know, stuff Martha herself would drool over.  Elegant pinecones, fresh greens, hand knit stockings, quilts, white lights and candles.  AND  NO GLITTER.

My husband, well he prefers bright flashing lights that send an epileptic person into a coma, tinsel, friggen tinsel everywhere, with glittery garland and clashing colors and oh my gosh I think strawberry shortcake and her gang just threw up all over that tree.

*takes a deep breath*

I despise everything he likes for a tree and he despises good taste.

Peace treaties and compromises never work.  We’ve tried giving and taking, non-flahing colored lights, flashing white lights, little hideous garland, and shiny ornaments, but both of us always detest the end results.  Last year we had two trees, one for me and one for him…  the problem is that my tree still had all the war wounds from over the years and the budget went to buying his sparkly, glittering nonsense stuff for his new tree.  And I still has the flashing tree of nightmares in MY HOME!  And I’m home everyday, all day, with that tree… it really drives a purist insane.

But none of that matters this year, not one single bit.  For we have a new enemy to battle with.  She is going to be cunning I tell you, with her short little, fast body…  We’ll be lucky if either tree survives her invasions, let alone be able to put one single ornament up. 

But this chick is prepared, I bought a fence (one fence, enough for one single tree) for my tree *evil laugh*. 

All is fair in love and war baby.

Happy Thanksgiving everybody!