Monthly Archives: June 2012

Switching Gears

Sometimes in life, when we don’t take the time to slow down, life will make us slow down.  And sometimes life slows us down by giving us more, by testing our resolve and our priorities. 

Schedules and plans are ment to be disposable, or at least bendable.  Dreams and hopes need to allow enough wiggle room for sick children, heat waves, injuries, mood swings… and other dreams.

Somewhere along the lines my gears got rusted together, stuck in moving forward, stuck in impatience, and unable to switch back to just living for the today.  The brightness of tomorrow always made the today look dark and gloomy.

It’s time for something a little different.  It’s time to switch gears, ever so slightly, ever so slowly. 

Maybe you would like to join along?

I’m calling it, “July’s Camp Slow the Hell Down “… or something like that.

It’s going to be filled with grand things like coffee, pen and paper on the deck in the mornings, instead of coffee and emails at my desk.  One day freezer baking, instead of fighting with the bored boy and terrible two’s toddler, trying to get dinner ready before the husband comes home and before the toddler chews my leg off.  There’s going to be that thing called exercise, with the moving of body parts and sweating.  Heck lets throw in some arts and crafts too!  And lots of reading. 

It’s time to make time, and enjoy the time we have. 

It’s time to enjoy where I, where we are at.

Are you in?

How could you change things up in small ways?

What I Need

Have you ever noticed how when things get good, things must get bad as well?  And that’s assuming I can even label things as good or bad, because in reality they’re all just things and can’t be classified as either.  They’re just there, and I’m letting them get to me.

And so I might have a wee bit of a history with pity parties.  I might own stock in pity party decorations, and I’m rather slow at taking down said decorations when the party is long done with.  I figure one day, I’ll get it all out of my system and finally learn how to deal with things without throwing in the only child temper behind them.

I really don’t know what it is I need.  Maybe a break?  Maybe a fresh outlook?  Maybe more time in my faith?  Maybe all of the above…  I do know I need something, and the things I think I need probably aren’t it. 

Like validation.  Yes I’m admitting it loud and clear.  I need validation, tons of it, lots and lots, or I will instantly fabricate excuses on why I shouldn’t invest myself into something.  And i know I always think I need more validation than what I have earned.  Which spins in circles and ticks me off even more.

And when you do the math, I need other people.  Which is bad and wrong on all sorts of spectrums.  I shouldn’t need other people to carry me throughout the challenges I have set for myself.  But I do.  Maybe I can blame it on being a Leo, if you’re into that sort of thing.

And can it really even be my fault when I’m a Leo and an only child, swirled into one very confused mind?  I mean honestly, take a sign that is based on attention and power and mix it with a child who had no one growing up besides a whole bunch of elderly people… of course I’ll have issues.

Or excuses, I always have a lot of excuses. 

And blame, I always want to dip my toes in that as well.  But again, that’s going back to needing other people.  At least I can identify the circles.

Long story short (yes I know this already all sorts of long and drawn out) I’ve let something out there get under my skin.  Yes I know exactly what it is, but that doesn’t matter.  What does matter is knowing if it’s my problem, if it’s worthy of the stress… or if it’s all just a figment of my stretched out imagination.  Which is quite difficult to do without showing all my sides of crazy.  (circles, I’m an expert at them) 

So I’m back at the beginning, what do I really need?   

I suppose, if I have to answer it, if I want to act all intelligent and together.  I guess I need time, but more than that.  I need to keep going, keeping pressing on, to push myself despite what I think I’m lacking. 

But I don’t wanna.

Pretend You Care

I hate talking about myself.  I should rephrase that, I hate trying to describe myself.  I detest writing bio’s and about pages, and grumble loudly when I have to post “7 facts about yourself”.  I hate it.

But when a fellow blogger tells me to share something, a blogger who carries a gun, I listen.  So even though I too have tons of weapons stashed away, I’m positive Bad Luck Detective is a better shot… So here ya go…

  1. My skin crawls when people say “You got” or “funner” and the like.  I hate improper English when people are talking.  Which is funny because my grammar skills aren’t much to brag about when it comes to writing.
  2. I’m bothered by the fact that Sesame Street no longer has episodes with Snuffy.  I miss you Snuffy!!!
  3. I also miss real blue jeans, you know the kind that doesn’t stretch and you own them for years before you get that first tear in the knee…  I think they went extinct with Snuffy.
  4. Sleeping in to 6 am is a rare treat for me.  My children were cursed with a night owl mother, and I was cursed with early rising children.  My mother finds humor in this.
  5. Our current minion count includes a 6-year-old boy, a husband, an almost 2-year-old girl, 1 cattle dog, 1 Belgian Malinois, 1 german shepherd, 2 cats, 7 chickens, 1 pygmy goat, 2 buggies, and a hand full of fish.  My husband would prefer it to be a field full of Malinois, my son would prefer a field full of hamsters, and the girl would prefer a field full of kitties.  I’m waiting for them to all move out so I can have a field full of horses.  😉
  6. I prefer the mountains to the ocean.  (even though I can’t stand heights)
  7. I hate socks in the summer.
  8. The lead singer of Cinderella’s voice weirds me out a wee bit.  But doesn’t even come close to being as annoying as Lee’s voice in Rush. 
  9. My decorating preferences and styles are bipolar, and almost change weekly. 
  10. I think the ending of a book/movie is way more important than anything else.  I can be pretty harsh on an entire series solely based by my opinion of the ending.  Skip out on a good ending and I will disown all of your brilliant work.  I can’t help it.
  11. I am a secret online gamer addict.  Or more so I could be one easily.  I used to love Everquest, back in the days of when we had real internet, and nothing better to do. 
  12. My top dream vacation is a 2 week horseback ride through Denali in Alaska… Here’s hoping I don’t scare myself out of it with what I’m doing to poor Denali in my book.  (And here’s hoping my book will help pay for it one day)
  13. I’ve lived my entire life in and around St.Louis, Missouri.  I defiantly follow by the “Show Me” mentality, and require reasons to trust people.  It can be a flaw at times, but has also saved my butt a few times too.
  14. My husband and I don’t talk writing.  Trust me, this is a good thing. 
  15.  I am probably one of the worst commenters out there in the social web world.  By the time anything loads, I’ve forgotten half of what I was going to say, or I’ve run out of time.  Charter or AT&T need to sponsor me!
  16. I take to criticism better than compliments.  I have trust issues. 
  17. I dream big.  Always.

What should we know about you?

What else do you want to know about me?

Feel free to join in and leave your link in the comments!

And the Winners Are…

I’m going to keep this one short today, because obviously you only want to know if you won, and you’re probably already skipping all of this, straight to the bottom…

The two people who will be loosing themselves very shortly in a world of Vampires and Werewolves are….

*insert drumroll please*

As Determined by: http://www.mathgoodies.com/calculators/random_no_custom.html

Melissa A

and

Journey of Life 

Congratulations Ladies!  And thanks for playing!  (please send me your email info via barefootcoffeegirl (at) gmail (dot) com and how you will be reading your new ebook copy of Amy’s Story!)

Don’t forget to visit D’Elen McClain’s guest post here! 

Do You Waste Moments?

 

As I was waiting for my 6-year-old to come home from his “Summer School” camp thing, the local radio station was playing a clip from the incident between thirty students and the bus monitor… you already know what I’m talking about, I’m not getting into it.  What peaked my interest was when the host said, “My son is the military and I still want to rush home and drill him over this, I want to make sure somewhere, at sometime I taught him better than this.”  (paraphrased, my toddler was also singing at that moment.)

Which got me thinking… How can I use this incident to better my own family?  Or will I let the opportunity slip us by…

Life gives us tons of chances, millions even, for learning.  Some harsh, some don’t even sting. 

Like my close friend dying on his sixteenth birthday, from a drunk driver… himself.  That lesson was crushing.  One I will never forget, one my children will learn very soon before they have to feel that pain or even worse, cause it.

Or taking a series of tremors here on the New Madrid Fault line, to remember for the first time EVER to teach my kids about earthquake safety.  There hasn’t been a destructive earthquake here since the 1800’s, might never be one in our lifetime… but we live on the biggest fault line in the nation… doesn’t hurt to be safe.  One day we might be glad that we took those tremors as a lesson…

Every single thing that happens around us, every little news clip and reality show is a opportunity.  Do you seize it?  Do you jump on the chance to make your world a better place by learning from the mistakes, the pain, the heartache of others? 

Do you hear about a woman being mugged, and just thank your lucky stars it wasn’t you?  Or do you play out the scenario in your head, drill your self on safety and make sure that it doesn’t happen to you (within reason of course)?  Do you hear about bullies on the news and hope it doesn’t happen to your child?  Or do you sit down over and over again with them and teach them how to handle themselves… and more importantly make sure they aren’t a bully themselves? 

I’m not saying I’m a perfect person who learns from everything the way I should…  I’m just saying, maybe we should.  Maybe we need to seize those moments, the good and the bad, a little deeper, a little closer, a little longer, and take a little more action.

How about you?  Do you waste moments?

Sharing

There’s that moment in time when you let someone into your secret private world in your head, the one you’ve devoted every inch of your being too, the first time you share your work, and you wait.  You cringe, and try to hide, you fight back the urge to snap the work back away from them, to take all the words back.  You want to shrink and hide away, afraid of what they might think.

Afterall, you’re a normal average person.  A mother, a cook, a home keeper and animal wrangler… you live an average life.  This world on the paper, the world you have created, is far from average.  They are going to think that you are all sorts of crazy!

I mean sure, the plot sounds good inside your head, you’d read it, you’d watch it unfold on a big screen… but what if it’s too creative, too crazy, too out there?  And then, what if, just what if, not only you have dreamt up a crazy world that makes little sense, what if you wrote it badly?! 

Next you find yourself feeling sorry for the poor sap that has to read your pile of craziness because how are they going to face you ever again!?  Your gut is turning and wrenching as you wait for them to look up…

Maybe it’s not too late to run away…

Maybe you can blame the many side effects of the cold medicine…

If only you could get off the damn rollercoaster of excitement, embarrassment, and evil inner editors…

And you’re not running because you really do want to know what they think.  But then again you wonder if they’d even tell you the truth, and you’re really wishing you could teleport to one of those stupid daytime talk shows that have an ever waiting lie detector sitting in the green room.  And then your thoughts float to what the mother of what’s her name who wrote 50 Shades of Grey thought when she read her books.  And then you remember someone is reading your words RIGHT NOW…

(I’m thinking that cold medicine and a pot of coffee do not mix well.  This cold best go away soon!)

 

Just Another Monday Morning

Monday always seems to need a brand spanking new post.  And this is problematic for me.  I don’t do interwebs on the weekend, not unless I’m expecting an email sending me the next chapter for a book someone is being cruel enough to only let me see bits and pieces at a time!  But I digress.  Monday morning has me drinking tons of coffee and trying to catch up with everyone and everything… while trying to come up with a post.  Because I have to. 

Even when I have nothing to say.

And my husband would crack up at the thought of me having nothing to say.  Because apparently when you have a cold and spend all weekend in the sun building a 5 million piece swing set, and practicing Pat Benatar songs for the fake band… you WILL loose your voice, but not your sniffles.  And just so you know, when one has a bad sneeze inducing cold, one should always put a lid on your adult beverage orrrrr your garage floor will get sticky and you will run out of said beverages.

But like I said, I really have nothing to write.  Nada. 

Which seems to be a problem lately for me.   Because I don’t want to talk about writing or editing.  Or of balance and schedules, or things that make you want to invest in Kleenex.  And I absolutely detest writing about nothing. 

I want to blame the editing and the excitement of ideas floating in my head eating up my blogging thoughts.  I also want to blame my right ear that is so clogged it sounds like I have half of my head stuck in a sea shell.  I’d also like to blame the teething, non napping, terrible two’s toddler who thinks mommy enjoys scrubbing milk off of the floor. 

Yet blaming does not inspire.  It’s just the way things are.  The brain gets clogged and life gets busy.  There are songs to sing and slides to build.  And the point of writing is WRITING.  Even if it’s not all fancy, even if it won’t win awards or get me a check in the mail.  Even if it’s all been written before.

After all it’s just something I have to do.

(Unlike breathing, apparently colds don’t believe breathing is a necessary function for life.  *cough cough sniffle sneeze*)

In Where You Tell Me Brilliant Things

Have you ever found yourself having one of those moments, where there is so much going on at one time, you have so much to do, so much that you want to do, that you’re finding yourself just standing there?  No?  Just me?

It’s much like my ideas got on their pretty white horses and rounded me up to the cliff’s edge.  My toes are on the edge to taking this stuff seriously, my ideas are waiting for me to jump… and I sit down to have a picnic lunch and admire the view.  My ideas are not very happy with me.

It’s like singing (for me at least), when we’re having fun and screwing off with the mics I’m louder more confident, having fun.  But when we’re really practicing… oy.  And then my husband is asking, “What the hell, you hit that perfectly an hour ago when you were playing with the kids!?!”  I do better when it doesn’t matter.

But things are starting to matter.  And I need to take everything to the next level… and I’m frozen in place.

And I really am dreaming of a slave driver to show up at my computer, barking out orders at me.  Demanding deadlines and topics, shutting out weak ideas and insisting on only the best.  Not allowing me to freeze in place…

So tell me something brilliant would ya?

I’m looking for ideas for the blog, suggestions, tips.  Marketing.  Social platforms.  What am I doing wrong… and what am I doing right? 

Is it time to upgrade and put an investment into this little slice of the webs? (Our budget is always tight, so yeah I freak on just spending the 18 bucks to remove the wordpress from my name)  Or should the novel be my only concern? 

Or maybe you have a whole freakin post you could write on this whole subject… wanna do a guest post?

Tell me something! 

You can leave your thoughts in the comments or email me directly at barefootcoffeegirl (at) gmail (dot) com.

~We Won’t Let You Fade Away~

Father’s day will be here soon.  But you won’t be.

We’ll be doing the cards and the handmade signs, the special lunches and dinners, the phone calls, the hugs, the memories.  But we can’t give him, your father, what he wants most.

You.

There will be kisses and hugs, smiles and laughs.  There’ll be soft-spoken words of love from a toddler and grown up man stuff from the boy.  But there won’t be anything from his first-born daughter, not even a phone call or a discount store card.

Just emptiness.  That’s what you gave him.  A hole deep within his soul that no one will ever be able to fill… except for you. 

And I want to hate you for that.

I want to, but I cannot.

And so this Sunday, know that his love for you will only be growing stronger, that we will forever be thinking of you, no matter how hard you may try to fade away…

~Without You~

Thirty pages, that’s how much I have left until I’m officially done with my first edits and rewrite. Just thirty pages to go before I get to send off my baby to school and teach it grammar and punctuation. 

Unlike my real children I can’t wait to see it go.

I’m tired of coddling, and nurturing it’s whiney little arse, and I’m ready to see it all grown up and in the real world.  I love it, I do, and I’m giving it my all… but I’m ready to shove it out of the nest and watch it fly… or crash onto the concrete with a thud and a splatter.  Either or, it’s getting close to the time where it must sink or swim.  And I think that’s a good thing.  Knowing it’s almost ready, knowing it’s time to release it from my hard drive.

And my mind is constantly thinking, “What’s next after this?”  And I know the gun hasn’t even sounded and I’m off past the first marker, or just off my rocker.  But there’s other ideas and needs and wants, clawing inside their shells.  Other paths I want to try… and it’s all hopped up on sugar and caffeine and keeping me up at night.  Each potential avenue and thought dancing around waiting for Santa to arrive.

And I want and I want and I want…

So it’s baby steps of torture, and calling myself off of the chase before I dive off of the cliff head first.  Big breaths and little steps, but allowing the dreams to slam down one more pixie stick before bed.

And it’s about giving thanks to all of you.  With the kind comments and constant encouragement, feeding the monster in my head, the monster that keeps the inner voices at bay, the ones that try to get me to quit it all.  Without you all, the casual readers, the faithful commenters, my friends, I’d still be on page one, afraid to peek around the corner.

Thank you.

~Emily

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