Monthly Archives: July 2012

So…

You know what itsn’t fun?

Having your jaw dislocated on purpose, four big honking needles shoved in around your ears into your jaw, two molars pulled and a root canal.  Not one second of fun.  Not even the endless stack of drugs that came with it can help make any of it fun.  Nope, it all sucks.  Every tiny second of it.

This all may or may not explain why I haven’t been online for more than two seconds in days.  (Fine maybe it’s been over a week, who’s counting?) 

I appreciate/need/love/want/am thankful for all your thoughts, comments, well wishes and prayers… I just didn’t have it in me to respond, because every response I could come up with was along the lines of “Whaaaaa, Owwwwwww, Ouchhhh, Shoot Me, Why Why Why!”  Yes it has been and is that bad. 

I’ve been a cloud of gloom, lined thick with a black lining, not one ounce of silver lining.  And I’ve been slowly trying to work my way out of it.  I’m trying to reach all deep down inside and pull out some positive feelings. 

I almost have some.

I’m working on it.

Stick around… please….

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Lock-Jaw

I have exactly twenty minutes left of coffee drinking time, and the children and the animals are all already awake… this day is not starting out well.

The swelling on the side of my jaw started to feel as though someone was choking my throat… and so I finally called the Oral Surgeon.  I am far from a hypochondriac, in fact I’m the opposite, I believe everything is nothing, and given enough time it will go away… but this time I started to imagine my jaw bone flapping around every time I moved, or cancer eating half of my head off. 

The appointment revealed that my jaw wasn’t opening because of a flare of my TMJ or because of the swelling… but because I have lock-jaw.  Yes I am brilliant like that.  I never thought you could have any movement with lock-jaw, but apparently when you’re lucky enough to have your jaw lock closed, you can still close and open a wee bit.  Yes, I’ve been told it’s lucky to have a closed lock-jaw. 

Anywho, the swelling is caused by the stress on a molar, which then became infected, which is draining into the major gland right under the jaw bone, which is all big and choking me because of my locked jaw. 

So today they’re knocking me out, flooding my jaw on both sides with fluid, manually making it go back into position (or rather making the little plate thingy get unstuck from my jaw) and then pulling the evil tooth.  And then stealing every last dime I have.

At least it includes lots of pretty little pills.  But boo on them for not agreeing to lock me in a hospital bed for at least a week to recover… obviously they don’t have young minions and animals and a drought and piles of laundry to deal with.  Nope they’re sending me straight back home as soon as they wake me up, bastards. 

And I’ll be glad to be done with it all, and to feel better.  I’ll feel even better when I can chomp on a steak or fit an entire bite in my mouth without smooshing it up and sucking it up through a straw. 

But I still don’t wanna.  I really, REALLY don’t wanna.

I might go hide with the goat…

 

Here’s The Thing…

I have a problem…

I can’t write.

Shhhhhhhussshhh!  I don’t mean ever or at all… I mean right now.  I don’t have it. 

I mean I’ve been trying to accept a wonderful award passed on by two special people to me for DAYS, 4 of them to be exact… and I can’t do it.  I’ve deleted more copies of drafts than cups of coffee that I’ve consumed. (That’s a whole lot)  I just can’t do it.

Why you ask…  I dunno.  Maybe it’s the minions who refuse to stop trying to hold wrestling matches on my lap, maybe it’s my brain who can’t stop thinking of remodeling my kitchen (yes it IS THAT BAD), maybe it is because of a non-ending drought, maybe it’s because of the TMJ AGAIN, or maybe because I just don’t feel it… maybe.

Just please don’t tell me that I have moved on from this blogging/writing/journaling part of my life…

Something is just not meshing….

Paths and needs are crossing, dead ending, turning back and becoming unstable.

Is it an end… or a beginning?

And that’s where the post ended last Wednesday night.  I have not physically been able to make it back to my computer since then.  I’m on pain meds and muscle relaxers, and antibiotics (just in case)  and can’t move my head to save my life.  In reality I should probably be in the hospital, and I should probably be having surgery on my face… but in real reality, we can’t afford it.  And we’re praying this will subside until my husband can at least get more vacation time, so someone can take care of me during the whatevers they want to do to me.  That’s the pain of being a SAHM, you have very little in the way of backup when your body falls apart.

And the worst part, today is the bebe’s birthday… and even though she won’t remember that my face is swollen twice it’s size, and that there wasn’t a big party, or that mommy couldn’t make a homemade birthday cake… it still sucks. 

All of this sucks.

So anyway, that’s where I’ve been.  Hopefully everything will ease up soon and I’ll be able to catch up with everyone.  Hopefully.

The Fork in the Road

I’ve had the itch lately to get back to work.  I’m not sure what’s driving the need, beyond the fact that I go through waves of this and that, and can never seem to really make my mind up about anything.

Or maybe it’s life telling me I need to do it.  Maybe it’s just the time, or maybe it’s not and I’m just looking too far into things, which I tend to do.

(For those of you out of the know, my real profession is Professional Dog Training, from basics to Military)

I haven’t stopped working, I still train here and there, but I haven’t pushed it lately… mostly boredom, mostly economy.  And maybe it’s all from the blow of a big opportunity that had come before us, that never came to be because of said economy.  (Having a full plate at home never helps either)

And the clock is ticking by, wasting precious seconds and chances.  And I only wish I could decide on the right path.  I’d love nothing more than to shove myself fully into ten different directions, because I really don’t want to give up anything… I want/need to do it all. 

Which explains why last night I was tearing out pages for kitchen remodels, while practicing songs for the fake band, while contemplating how I could proceed with the dog training, while charging my kindle, while yelling at myself for not editing the book, while thanking God for Venti sized coffee.

Have you had to decide on a certain path?  How’d you make the decision?  What did you have to let go of?  Anyone want to fund an awesome Dog Training idea?

Vacation Time! (sorta)

Vacation time!  Yes I’m cutting to the chase for once, and no, I’m not actually going on vacation. 

I am however giving myself permission to not log onto anything outside of my email for one whole entire week.  (hint, hint, hint, I love emails! barefootcoffeegirl (at) gmail (dot) com)

I’m going to allow this place to get dusty as I fight back the drought outside so I can blow stuff up for Independence Day.  (Safely of course, half our state has banned fireworks because of this damn drought, prayers for some rain please!)

So that’s about all that I have for you today… See ya next week, and happy Independence Day!!!