Category Archives: It’s All About Me

So…

You know what itsn’t fun?

Having your jaw dislocated on purpose, four big honking needles shoved in around your ears into your jaw, two molars pulled and a root canal.  Not one second of fun.  Not even the endless stack of drugs that came with it can help make any of it fun.  Nope, it all sucks.  Every tiny second of it.

This all may or may not explain why I haven’t been online for more than two seconds in days.  (Fine maybe it’s been over a week, who’s counting?) 

I appreciate/need/love/want/am thankful for all your thoughts, comments, well wishes and prayers… I just didn’t have it in me to respond, because every response I could come up with was along the lines of “Whaaaaa, Owwwwwww, Ouchhhh, Shoot Me, Why Why Why!”  Yes it has been and is that bad. 

I’ve been a cloud of gloom, lined thick with a black lining, not one ounce of silver lining.  And I’ve been slowly trying to work my way out of it.  I’m trying to reach all deep down inside and pull out some positive feelings. 

I almost have some.

I’m working on it.

Stick around… please….

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What I Need

Have you ever noticed how when things get good, things must get bad as well?  And that’s assuming I can even label things as good or bad, because in reality they’re all just things and can’t be classified as either.  They’re just there, and I’m letting them get to me.

And so I might have a wee bit of a history with pity parties.  I might own stock in pity party decorations, and I’m rather slow at taking down said decorations when the party is long done with.  I figure one day, I’ll get it all out of my system and finally learn how to deal with things without throwing in the only child temper behind them.

I really don’t know what it is I need.  Maybe a break?  Maybe a fresh outlook?  Maybe more time in my faith?  Maybe all of the above…  I do know I need something, and the things I think I need probably aren’t it. 

Like validation.  Yes I’m admitting it loud and clear.  I need validation, tons of it, lots and lots, or I will instantly fabricate excuses on why I shouldn’t invest myself into something.  And i know I always think I need more validation than what I have earned.  Which spins in circles and ticks me off even more.

And when you do the math, I need other people.  Which is bad and wrong on all sorts of spectrums.  I shouldn’t need other people to carry me throughout the challenges I have set for myself.  But I do.  Maybe I can blame it on being a Leo, if you’re into that sort of thing.

And can it really even be my fault when I’m a Leo and an only child, swirled into one very confused mind?  I mean honestly, take a sign that is based on attention and power and mix it with a child who had no one growing up besides a whole bunch of elderly people… of course I’ll have issues.

Or excuses, I always have a lot of excuses. 

And blame, I always want to dip my toes in that as well.  But again, that’s going back to needing other people.  At least I can identify the circles.

Long story short (yes I know this already all sorts of long and drawn out) I’ve let something out there get under my skin.  Yes I know exactly what it is, but that doesn’t matter.  What does matter is knowing if it’s my problem, if it’s worthy of the stress… or if it’s all just a figment of my stretched out imagination.  Which is quite difficult to do without showing all my sides of crazy.  (circles, I’m an expert at them) 

So I’m back at the beginning, what do I really need?   

I suppose, if I have to answer it, if I want to act all intelligent and together.  I guess I need time, but more than that.  I need to keep going, keeping pressing on, to push myself despite what I think I’m lacking. 

But I don’t wanna.

Pretend You Care

I hate talking about myself.  I should rephrase that, I hate trying to describe myself.  I detest writing bio’s and about pages, and grumble loudly when I have to post “7 facts about yourself”.  I hate it.

But when a fellow blogger tells me to share something, a blogger who carries a gun, I listen.  So even though I too have tons of weapons stashed away, I’m positive Bad Luck Detective is a better shot… So here ya go…

  1. My skin crawls when people say “You got” or “funner” and the like.  I hate improper English when people are talking.  Which is funny because my grammar skills aren’t much to brag about when it comes to writing.
  2. I’m bothered by the fact that Sesame Street no longer has episodes with Snuffy.  I miss you Snuffy!!!
  3. I also miss real blue jeans, you know the kind that doesn’t stretch and you own them for years before you get that first tear in the knee…  I think they went extinct with Snuffy.
  4. Sleeping in to 6 am is a rare treat for me.  My children were cursed with a night owl mother, and I was cursed with early rising children.  My mother finds humor in this.
  5. Our current minion count includes a 6-year-old boy, a husband, an almost 2-year-old girl, 1 cattle dog, 1 Belgian Malinois, 1 german shepherd, 2 cats, 7 chickens, 1 pygmy goat, 2 buggies, and a hand full of fish.  My husband would prefer it to be a field full of Malinois, my son would prefer a field full of hamsters, and the girl would prefer a field full of kitties.  I’m waiting for them to all move out so I can have a field full of horses.  😉
  6. I prefer the mountains to the ocean.  (even though I can’t stand heights)
  7. I hate socks in the summer.
  8. The lead singer of Cinderella’s voice weirds me out a wee bit.  But doesn’t even come close to being as annoying as Lee’s voice in Rush. 
  9. My decorating preferences and styles are bipolar, and almost change weekly. 
  10. I think the ending of a book/movie is way more important than anything else.  I can be pretty harsh on an entire series solely based by my opinion of the ending.  Skip out on a good ending and I will disown all of your brilliant work.  I can’t help it.
  11. I am a secret online gamer addict.  Or more so I could be one easily.  I used to love Everquest, back in the days of when we had real internet, and nothing better to do. 
  12. My top dream vacation is a 2 week horseback ride through Denali in Alaska… Here’s hoping I don’t scare myself out of it with what I’m doing to poor Denali in my book.  (And here’s hoping my book will help pay for it one day)
  13. I’ve lived my entire life in and around St.Louis, Missouri.  I defiantly follow by the “Show Me” mentality, and require reasons to trust people.  It can be a flaw at times, but has also saved my butt a few times too.
  14. My husband and I don’t talk writing.  Trust me, this is a good thing. 
  15.  I am probably one of the worst commenters out there in the social web world.  By the time anything loads, I’ve forgotten half of what I was going to say, or I’ve run out of time.  Charter or AT&T need to sponsor me!
  16. I take to criticism better than compliments.  I have trust issues. 
  17. I dream big.  Always.

What should we know about you?

What else do you want to know about me?

Feel free to join in and leave your link in the comments!

Katana, a Book Review and Such

My young adult years were full of stupid things.  Fun things, yet very, very stupid.  Most of all it was in thanks to my closest friend, Cole Gibsen.  No, it was all her fault.  Of course if you ask her, she’ll probably deny it all, as she madly types away about our adventures in Alabama and in the “Devil Woods”.  I’m positive there’s a book there to be written.  Or maybe, just maybe, it shouldn’t be written.

Which is why I wasn’t too upset to find out that her debut novel, Katana, had nothing to do with our younger adventures.  Although it is totally based off of me… Fine, it’s not, but I do have long blonde hair, just like the main character.  It’s almost about me.  (We can pretend)

Katana, Cole Gibsen

Actually Katana is about a young girl, who is your average, run of the mill, just get me through highschool, and a date with the hunk, and gah mom do you have to do that, kind of girl.  Average until she’s attacked by a group of thugs at the mall, and she suddenly can fight like a samurai warrior… Yup.  Samurai.  You heard me right.   (sounds like me still, right?)  Faced with a warrior spirit from a past life, love, teenage dilemmas, and a butt load of people out to get her (still me) this isn’t your average young adult novel.

This was a great debut novel from Cole Gibsen.  (and I’m not just saying this because I’m waiting for her to buy me that coffee she owes me, or because the book is 100% about me)  The whole novel was excellently written, and well researched.  I’m actually not a big fan of the whole samurai, ninja, and such genera, but I never became bored with it, annoyed or turned off, even with the heavy weapon references throughout the book.  An easy to read page turner, that I thought was going to be predictable, but surprised me in the end. 

Go get it now, and also look for her other novel, Breathless, which is still on my have to get list.

And then go pester her about buying that coffee she owes me.  www.colegibsen.com

Stay tuned for a special Guest Post from Cole herself right here, coming very soon, even if I have to blackmail her with stories from our past.

Needing a Little Change

I need something new, something all fresh and different to motivate me.

Have you ever noticed how things can do that?  Get fresh flowers from a loved one and BAM the room is all special and new, and before you know it you’re suddenly inspired to fix everything in that room.  Or maybe it’s just me.

I just need something… for me.

I tried throwing on some new nail polish, but it didn’t make it past the first round of goat wrangling and chicken herding.  And why in this day in age can they not make super industrial made for a hard working girl like myself nail polish?

Hair cuts are easy enough, except that I have a hair styling handicap.  I just can’t help reaching for that lonely little pony tail tie… it calls to me.  We need each other.  And it’s not my fault, we all know if I had hair that would curl I’d be all styling everyday.  Right.

Tattoos I love.  But my wallet just was sold for a fresh set of plumbing under my sink.  Dishes in the shower was getting annoying.

The list could go on and on, well until you throw in the almighty budget.  I just need a change, and I also need someone to show up at my door and tell me exactly what that change should be.  And then they must make it happen while I sip quietly on my coffee and stuff my face with Whole Wheat Chocolate Chip Strawberry Scones.  And then maybe I’d take the picture of the goat off of my profile…

What’s your go-to for that in a rut feeling?

 

If I Did Resolutions~

Resolutions.  I don’t normally jive with the whole resolution thing.  Not that I don’t like setting or reaching goals, more so that the new year doesn’t throw waves of inspiration at me to make a change.  Spring is the only season that really inspires me, too bad we can’t change the calendar to start in spring.

But if I were going to make resolutions they might go as such:

  • Work.  Really work.  Like I already had an agent and publisher, with deadlines, meetings and such.  Take it seriously, work hard and hold myself accountable.  (This also includes treating myself to brand new pens in every color, fresh notebooks, folders, highlighters and post it notes… am I the only one who loves office supplies?!)
  • De-Clutter EVERYTHING.  I’m talking nothing out in the open, everything in its place, a place for everything, inside and outside, up stairs and downstairs.  Even the crap that was left by the previous owners out behind the goat hut.   (also too, make a note that this might call for a fresh tetanus shot)
  • Finish every project that has already been started.  2012 I deem you as the year in which things shall be finished.  (at least to finish everything that was started in 2011, we don’t want to go too crazy here)
  • Do something for ME everyday.  Like… exercise, put on makeup, fix hair in a way other than a ponytail, remember how to wear nail polish, read a book, tend to the goat in heels, anything for ME.  Things that remind me about ME and not my million other roles.
  • Make time to do something for others.  I’m talking writing a note, a letter, making a card, making a phone call… being more available for my friends.  Letting them know that even though my family is my priority that they too are the world to me.
  • Can I resolve to get things done twice?  Because I really want to. 
  • Maybe I can just resolve to be more focussed, more active, more of being a make things happen kind of year.  2012, Make it Happen.  Yup, that’s the theme. 

That’s all of course if I did resolutions.  Which I don’t, not until the spring. Which of course then all of my focus goes into running from tornadoes and getting as much dirt under my nails as humanly possible and the infamous hunting of snakes and moosen goosen.  Did I mention that I heard a large cat the other day, of the mountain lion variety?!  Hrrrrm, maybe I should start this stuff today, what’s the point of nail polish when you’re hunting and playing in the dirt?  And MAYBE I should cut back on the coffee… probably, maybe… not.

Hey Santa, Over Here!

Dear Santa,

I don’t trust my post office any longer, so hopefully you blog, hopefully you’ll read this.  (And don’t forget to send my mailbox robbers plenty of coal! <- it’s okay to ask that right?)

I think I have been plenty good this year.  I did not eat any of the minions, and I did not sell them to the gypsies.  I even allowed the boy to go off to school, and I didn’t cry or embarrass him!  And don’t forget the weeks of taking care of my husband without smothering him with a pillow!  Dang, I was real good.  I didn’t even cuss out John Wayne when he broadsided the car.  You might say that I was perfect.

So if we can, because both you and I have deadlines here, just get right on down to the asking for stuffs…

  • Time.  I need it, I want it, I lust for it.  I just want a little bit of it.  Like one day every few weeks all to myself.  And I don’t mean everyone tapping on my back as quiet as they can.  I mean a hotel room with a coffee maker and a plug for my laptop.  One whole day.  Alone.  Heck I’d even take getting lost in my woods for a day with a huge thermos of coffee and a notebook.  My brain and I need a date.

  • Direction.  Everybody has a different compass for my life lately, and they’re all pointing in different directions.  I can only seem to make it to my coffee maker right now.  I’d like my compass to be tiny and pink, with a clear true north. 

  • Family.  Fix it, could ya?  Just bring her back, minus the bow.  The big red bow is overdone.  (for those who are reading and aren’t all-knowing like Santa, I’ll explain later.)

  • Success.  I get that success is my own to make.  But you and your elves must have some sort of success miracle grow right?  Just a wee bit of help would rock.

  • Health.  How about just a general boost for all of us?  You know where it’s needed most.

  • Peace.  Just peace.  Not peace on earth and all of the nonsense.  How about just calmness to the brain, happiness in the heart, a rested soul, and drama free days. 

  • The White House.  Make it mine.  ‘Nuff said.

  • And don’t forget the Starbucks under the tree that’s fully staffed and doesn’t cost me a dime.

Okay and if that’s a lot to ask the man who can do it all, I guess I could handle a new bundle of books, some more Dead Man’s Reach coffee, a new coffee mug, some pens, some notebooks and some awesome notecards.

Thanks and Love,

Emily

ps.  Could you express ship some new blog ideas to me asap?!

 

The Voices in My Head, and Why I Blog

A requirement for the Kathyrn Ingrid Creativity Award is to share why I began blogging.

I wish I had some moving inspiring story, or some fantastic journey that led me here… but I don’t.

Honestly I just have to write

I’ve tried to quit, only to find the voices in my head get much too loud.  I tried to privately journal and share my stories with the goat, but it’s just not the same. 

There’s just something therapeutic about spilling thoughts into the interwebs and having real human beings respond back.  It’s about making that connection. 

It’s almost addicting.

I do have my practical reasons to.  Like if I ever finish my book and get it published I do expect each and everyone of you to buy a copy.  Which means I best come up with some far more interesting topics to keep you roped in for the next few years…  Yikes.  

So that’s why I’m here, because the voices in muh head tell me I have to.

What about you?

And yes I’m almost done with making this the longest (and worst) acceptance speech EVER.  Come back on Monday to meet fabulous bloggers with whom I’m passing the award onto!  (here’s a hint, it’s probably YOU)

 

Things You Didn’t Need to Know About Me

If you were here yesterday then you know all about my issue with Shriveled Apple Brains

It’s a real problem, and I do believe the only treatment is an IV of straight up espresso and two weeks vacation at the Bolongo Bay Resort in St.Thomas.  But my husband had to remind me that I am not yet famous, and that flying to the Virgin Islands is not a real option at this time.  Humph.

So yesterday as I’m running around with applesauce leaking out of my ears a dear friend, and excellent blogger, (go visit her awesomeness and some other awesome writers at This N That, That N This) nominated me for a Kathyrn Ingrid Creativity Award… I thinkI know she nominated me for something awesome, I’m just not sure what exactly I’m supposed to call it.  I blame the apple brains. 

Anywho, there are requirements that go along with such an honor, many requirements.  I don’t mind a single one, but to be all different and to hide my shriveled brains I’m going to break them all up, and make this the longest acceptance speech in the whole entire bloggersphere. 

Careful there, I can feel your excitement all the way over here.  You almost spilt my coffee.

Here we go…

List Seven Random Facts About Yourself:

1)I am a professional Dog Trainer.  Professional as in I have a $20.000 student loan wrapped around my throat, and I spent six months up to my eyeballs in dogs and everything that comes with them.  I’ve trained them all from poodles to military dogs.  And I’ve only been bitten badly one time, by my husbands dog.  <- I keep photos of the incident just in case.

2)I have a split personality and her name is Martha.  I love getting down and dirty with sticks, yarn and hot glue, and I can’t function if I don’t have at least 10 projects going on at one time. 

3) I live in the middle of nowhere, and that’s the way I like it, most days, except when I need a good real coffee, then I hate it.  Real coffee is a 45 minute drive away.  (I’m still waiting for a coffee shop to appear under my Christmas tree).  But living in the middle of nowhere allows me to get my alter-wanna-be-ego of Caroline Ingalls out. 

4) At my house you will find 3 dogs, 2 cats, 1 goat, 4 chickens, 2 budgies (birds), and a random number of fish.  That’s not counting the creatures that reside here without our permission, Copper Heads, Turkey, Deer, Coyotes, Strays, Stray horses (yes really), A BEAR and of course the Moosen Goosen.

5) In case you can’t tell I’m an ubber conservative christian.  Sometimes I stray off task and go onto long rants and blurbs on my beloved politics and faith, BUT I have a strong belief of not pushing these on anyone.  It only makes sense, and it’s outlined heavily in my bible… I do not and will not judge, and I will not and do not bash.  Period.  But I will always have my strong opinions.

6) I despise winter.  There’s not one single part of winter that I enjoy.  I hate snow, I hate ice, I hate cold, I hate long dark days.  I HATE it.  I love 80* days, and sweating under the sun, it’s the only way to live.  But my husband still thinks that one day he’ll get me to move to his former hometown, in Minnesota.  Ha.  He swears that winter is fun up there… but for some reason he’s only taken me there in the SUMMER.  I’m no fool.

7) In college I studied Mass Communications, Photography, Political Science, Bio-Medical Ethical Sciences and Dog Training.  I left college to pursue a wild dream of Equestrian Sciences.  One of these days I’ll go back and get an actual degree so I can pursue my true passion of being the President of the United States of America.  Because who wouldn’t love a President who rides around on horseback, while having their dog fetch them a beer, while taking photographs and advertising about them to people in dire medical situations.  Makes perfect sense to me.

If you’re still here reading, come back tomorrow when I get all smooshy wooshy about the next step to this award.  ❤

 

For Sale: One Giveadamn, Slightly Used

I might have or might not have reached my hormonal breaking point, and no, we’re not talking babies again… I’m soooo over that thing… today. 

Let’s talk facts real quick (and no, not political points, relax) 1) “The Pill” has many side effects, one being “heightened anxiety” and “altered moods” and 2)Caffeine intensifies anxiety and altered moods.  Guess who has anxiety disorder, depression and a husband who brought home a big huge friggen case of Dr.Pepper even though he KNEW it wasn’t allowed in our house anymore?!  In short I’m hopped up on pre-existing anxiety and such with the bonus side effects of the pill and caffeine!  WOOT! 

AKA, I’m a mess lately.  And I’m pretty sure the Moose Goosen is trying to kill me with teeny tiny kittens.  What?  You don’t believe me?  Then why else yesterday did I hear kitten meows out by the garden and even though I was evil and ignored them, later that night they were in my chicken coop!?  How in the hell did baby kittens (rather than adult kittens) get in a fenced chicken coop?!  Explain that one… MOOSEN GOOSEN.

And I’m pretty sure the Moosen Goosen works for Obama and maybe Oprah too.  *whispers* Conspiracy!

So back to the point or lack there of… Um, yes my “giveadamn” and yes it’s one word.  Apparently I’ve boarded some train that rockets (trains/rockets, makes sense) back and forth between “oh my gosh they all hate me i can’t do anything right why can’t i just get one break just once some one pour me a bottle of wine right now”  and “F-off, where’s the rum”.  Which also includes the roller coaster of “I’m never going to finish one single book wahhhh” and “f-off, I’ll show ya all”. 

And I’m positive that this all has been fluffed and multiplied by the fact that I’ve been staying up late trying to get things done, which oddly I keep finding myself just sitting there, 3 hours post pass out time, scribbling on scrap paper which is uber productive. 

And yes, indeed, too and such, blogging also helps one get things done.  Right.

*sighs*

*headoven*

*googles Moosen Goosen trap*

Who wants a kitten?