Not Suitable for all Audiences

Disclaimer: This post might not be suitable for all my readers, I’m not responsible for any negative response you might have… you have been warned… *snort*

Nature, it’s like free entertainment out here where we live.   The constant drama that we were bombarded with in the city have been quickly replaced with stray horses, giant caterpillars of doom, moosen goosen, goats, hawks, snakes, turkey, deer… you just never know what you’re going to get out here…

You could walk out our door and find this:

Baby Birds Above our Door

Or even this:

Scary Huge Spider

One day we even found this, waiting at our doorstep:

We found the cat, not the boy.

By far though, last night was one of the most interesting, oddest discovery we have made so far.

The boy comes running to me as I was putting the goat away for the night, “MOM, MOMMY…. There’s SOMETHING over there, loud and creepy!  Maybe even a monster!?!”

I followed him to the area that the “monster” may or may not be lurking, contemplating if I would need a stick, a rope or a gun.  Or if I needed to shut the television off for the week… you just never know. 

We were now approaching the side of our house, I couldn’t see anything as he pointed to the trashcan and a big cardboard box.  I slowly walked closer, expecting the worst…  The boy shushes me… and we listened…

The cardboard box began to move, ever so slightly, with tiny scratching sounds from within it.  I started to reach for the nearest stick, expecting a cat, possum or maybe even a snake…

And then I saw it… 

The Monster

Hundreds of them, everywhere.  Scratching, creeping, crawling and climbing over my entire garden and foundation.  Slowly crawling up form the earth, invading every surface they could, breaking free from their skins.

 

Monsters Invading

 

Cicadas, More of Them

The scene was so horrific, yet mesmerizing, we couldn’t look away.  I only wish they’d do this in the daytime when I didn’t have to use my flash to document this occurrence, as it only happens once every 13 years. 

The boy wanted to keep one as a pet, yikes.  No.

Vampire or Bug? Or both....

The Incredible Ordinary Girl

I find it hilarious that people go cross-eyed when they peek into my life.  Apparently it’s odd to have my lifestyle… one that I had assumed was quite, well ordinary.

Of course there’s the epic battle over women’s role in society and how being a stay at home mom is downgrading or heroic.  I don’t care too much about any of that, I just do what works for us.  Meaning I would have to pay to go to work.  Case closed. 

I enjoy most domestic things.  That’s right, I enjoy them… most of them.  I have taught myself how to crochet, knit and sew.  I can crochet a boggle, cable knit and make curtains… if I so choose.  And I like it.  And yes at least once a week my house might smell like fresh-baked something or another that did not come from a box.  And if someone would put away all the junk around here and the laundry I actually like to clean too.  And just in case the thought crossed your mind… that doesn’t make me old-fashioned or submissive… it makes me creative, resourceful, happy and proud. 

And we all know that I love my politics.  I love clearheaded intelligent debates.  I love the facts and I like a challenge.  Glen Beck is my hero, and Oprah is the anti-christ.  *Gasps*  I said Glen Beck.  Yup, I did.  Beck, Rush, Fox.  We can clarify my sanity or insanity later.

I have faith.  Strong faith.  I have both Sublime, Bif Naked and Bible readings on my I-Pod.  I believe in showing my faith and not preaching it unless I’m asked.  I believe in living like Jesus, and loving like him… Translation I don’t judge because I’m not God.  I don’t bible bash because I want you to ask me questions of your own free will instead of sending you running to the hills.  This all goes hand in hand with politics.  Clear, level-headed debates.  ‘Nuff said there.

I am a professional dog trainer by trade.  I went to a bona-fide, certified school, with a bona-fide humongous student loan and learned everything you could ever want to know about dogs and more.  Police, military, service, pets… I can train them all.  And I’m still paying on that student loan, 5 years later, so I don’t give out free advice unless I love you… or your dog.

Talking about dogs, I have 3.  A German Shepherd, a Belgian Malinois and an Australian Cattle Dog (aka Blue Heeler).  I won’t bore you with their credentials.  I also have a goat.  Apparently that’s odd.  My goat rocks, and you should all be jealous of her awesomeness.  She cuts the grass, weeds the jungle, poops instant fertilizer and takes naps on my deck.  She loves me and hates anything else that breathes, and I’m okay with that.  We have other animals too, lots of them… but this is a blog and not a book.

I love, love, love to write.  And I punish myself yearly in NaNoWriMo to crank out a 50,000 word novel in 30 days.  I have successfully conquered the challenge all three years that I have signed up.  Those books are carefully hidden away in various umb drives, and most likely will never ever again see the light of day.  I love to write but I am not a writer.

To me this is all ordinary.  Chasing kids, taming goats, gardening in a jungle, bread baking, novel plots spinning in my head, knitting giant afghans of cable doom.  You want to hear odd?  Ask me about Alabama, Martini Bars, Hamburgers, Devil Woods, working at a dog kennel and horseback riding with a crazy rich guy…