Life happens. When it rains it pours and sometimes you get gail force winds right on top of everything else. Things can really suck.
It’s hard to not look back over the past year and a half and to not get depressed. Disappearing family, broken homes, two family dogs lost, emergency surgery, cancer, seizures, bills, migraines, devastating tornadoes, it rains, it rains, it rains, it pours.
I need stock in Kleenex and wine.
Life can be so jaded, so complex that we forget about the blessings, the good times, all the days that happened, the moments in between the tears.
Like this weekend, the memory of driving through a deadly storm to get to my dog… how did it erase the night before, less than 24 hours before, of dancing all night with my husband and my kids, singing together, twirling, laughing, and falling down. The kind of night that made me wake with a smile. I’ll never forget the loss of that weekend… but I don’t want to forget the gains.
Kids blowing bubbles, toes in a lake, smiles, hugs, a new reader proud and beaming, playing pretend, a perfect loaf of sourdough, working together, sitting under the stars, warm fires, tree frogs singing….
Getting back up when your heart is too weak to stand.
Letting yourself fall apart to start with.
I’m convinced living is about every single moment, about letting yourself feel all the pains that surround you and choosing to keep going. It’s not about the telling yourself you have no right to hurt because others have it worse, it’s about feeling every inch of your own grief and allowing it, because it is yours. It’s about seizing every second that’s given to you, every bump, every smile. It’s all about putting yourself back together and facing it all again.
There will always be rain, the storms might always be on the horizon, but I’d rather be out there taking pictures, flying a kite, than hiding away in the basement.
*All pictures are my own. Taken on Good Friday of last year when several tornadoes hit St.Louis, devestating many lives and shutting down Lambert Airport.