I have exactly twenty minutes left of coffee drinking time, and the children and the animals are all already awake… this day is not starting out well.

The swelling on the side of my jaw started to feel as though someone was choking my throat… and so I finally called the Oral Surgeon.  I am far from a hypochondriac, in fact I’m the opposite, I believe everything is nothing, and given enough time it will go away… but this time I started to imagine my jaw bone flapping around every time I moved, or cancer eating half of my head off. 

The appointment revealed that my jaw wasn’t opening because of a flare of my TMJ or because of the swelling… but because I have lock-jaw.  Yes I am brilliant like that.  I never thought you could have any movement with lock-jaw, but apparently when you’re lucky enough to have your jaw lock closed, you can still close and open a wee bit.  Yes, I’ve been told it’s lucky to have a closed lock-jaw. 

Anywho, the swelling is caused by the stress on a molar, which then became infected, which is draining into the major gland right under the jaw bone, which is all big and choking me because of my locked jaw. 

So today they’re knocking me out, flooding my jaw on both sides with fluid, manually making it go back into position (or rather making the little plate thingy get unstuck from my jaw) and then pulling the evil tooth.  And then stealing every last dime I have.

At least it includes lots of pretty little pills.  But boo on them for not agreeing to lock me in a hospital bed for at least a week to recover… obviously they don’t have young minions and animals and a drought and piles of laundry to deal with.  Nope they’re sending me straight back home as soon as they wake me up, bastards. 

And I’ll be glad to be done with it all, and to feel better.  I’ll feel even better when I can chomp on a steak or fit an entire bite in my mouth without smooshing it up and sucking it up through a straw. 

But I still don’t wanna.  I really, REALLY don’t wanna.

I might go hide with the goat…


5 responses to “Lock-Jaw

  1. Sounds nasty – good luck with that, and I am really glad you got it checked out!

  2. Shhhh, the goat needs comfort and you should go 🙂 Seriously though, you poor thing. I’m lighting incense, meditating in my garden, and praying for your swift recovery. The vibes are on the way.

  3. WOW! I hope you’re already healed up and back to chewing steaks. I’m like you – I ignore all “minor” ailments until serious medical intervention is required, and so far I’ve been pretty lucky on the last point. (Though it IS a tad embarrassing when my husband points out that I should’ve gone and had that looked at a month ago…). Sending feel-better vibes your way, sweet lady. I hope your minions have been good to you.

  4. OMG!! That sounds horrible! How are you doing now?

  5. I’m late. I already know the gory details…but had to comment regardless. B.A.D. No. Like.

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