There’s a funny little thing about hope. Sometimes you can have too much. And having too much hope is pretty much like having too much coffee in your cup. It’s going to slosh all over and get you burned.
You know that time when you had everything planned out, thought everybody was on the same page, and you knew you were going to have the best day ever? And everyone else followed their own script and not yours and you’re left with the bitter taste of disappointment in your mouth. It’s like that.
Or if you read so deep into the little things and your hope swells up like a hot-air balloon and starts pulling you through the daydream clouds… Until you fly straight into the electric wires, and you realize your balloon was only the size of a nickel to start with. It’s like that.
Hope can make you develop this whole other world in your head, one that may not ever come to be.
But you can’t ignore the hopes.
Fill your balloon, but keep your ground ties secure.
My stepdaughter was seen back near her home town 9 months ago, she ignored everyone she saw and quickly left again. She or someone emailed my husband 6 months ago, with some thing against a pastor he likes… no response ever came back.
Hope, it swelled, it blossomed, it stung.
Hope is what keeps telling me that they will be the case that defeats the odds and bends to my will. So many have been lost to cult like lives… why would our case be special, turn out different? Just because I say so? Because I HOPE? Yes because I HOPE.
And then they’re back again, just this week, back in their hometown. Just when I have my hope all balanced and checked, and tightly secured. Back again, spotted by a close family member, at a garage sale. There was a brief conversation… my balloon swells, it pulls tightly at the ground ties… it wants to soar. My stubbornness, my pride, my heart, my soul… they shake and tremble, they want to cut the ground ties…
But my mind has seen this movie before, it’s not sure if there can be a different ending, isn’t this just everything playing on repeat? It doesn’t want to get lost in the daydream clouds… it doesn’t want to feel, ANYTHING. And my heart screams at my brain that this is not the same movie, this is not the same thing… that this time there is hope. Real hope. New hope.
The ties in the lines are double checked, and pulled extra tight. I need to stay here, we need to stay here, all grounded and safe… Safe on the ground, looking up into the clouds, because I’m not ready to leave them yet, even if it might hurt.